As we start walking down the tunnels, we start to realize that it is like we are in a movie and we are playing the characters of Oz. We found that the navigator being me is the scarecrow, the captain is the tin man, the first mate of our group is the lion and the last being Toto since he is just following us and his girlfriend is Dorothy who was not with us on this adventure. As we ventured down the tunnels they became more and more intricate. We were witnessing something that we never noticed before, the roles we play when we are in our little group. Turning down different alleys and passageways to try and figure out where we are and how to get out. We started to wonder where we could buy an owl, a wand, and a wizard hat. This led us down places we had never thought of going. We took one left and saw the entire ceiling of the tunnel lit up with so many different lights we had to go down it to see what was on the other end. What was at that end was another tunnel leading farther and farther away from where we thought we had just come in. We finally took the scariest of the turns we have taken and ended up outside in a far corner of the city. Not knowing what do to, we found a place to sit down and ponder our next move. As we smoked and talked about what just had happened we just so happened to look up and saw in the center of all the tunnels of oz was an enormous skyscraper. Everyone knew what was going to happen next we just didn’t say it. We finished our cigarettes and prepared ourselves for the journey to the tower.

The journey to the top skyscraper started off going back the way we had thought we came and hopefully shooting to direct ourselves to the center of the tunnels so that we would stumble upon this building. It was a little harder than we had expected seeing how we had no idea where we were or what sort of entrance we were looking for. When we turned down one of these tunnels we found a man holding a big sign with squiggles on it and he was talking and pointing down a hallway. We took the chance that this was the place we were looking for and headed down. We discovered the elevators and took them to the top floor. Where we explored around the top and found the perfect spot to sit down and rest from the long walk we just had trying to find this place. It was a circular stone plant pot with ledges that you could sit on. In the middle was a giant tree that had strings of what looked like vines hanging from it. It had a rope tied around it looking as if it had to be tied down from hurting anyone. As we sat and got our minds blown from talking about quantum physics and tunneling, the captain wanted to get out of here and head to grab a bite to eat. Being the navigator I found the closest place around us and we ate. I happened to not want to eat so as they went inside I stayed out and smoked a cigarette with a really old lady who looked like she was going to die at any second and she was smoking. I was blown away by that dedication and in the distance I heard people shouting. They weren’t shouting like they were mad, it’s like they were singing but they were just speaking Japanese works not whole sentences and it’d go around to each of the three and they’d each say a word to the song or whatever they were singing. I thought I was making it up in my own head and they were just talking really loud. Yet, nonetheless they were honestly doing something of the sorts and it was making me think I wasn’t in a reality that I controlled anymore. I then went back to join the crew and helped finish their meals so that we could depart. We then had to go find something that can only be found by the navigator, we decided to go visit the snake.

The story behind the snake is a great and epic tale of three men not knowing where they were going and one seeing something the thought was a piece of rope but instead it was a snake they would all come to be afraid of and bring newcomers to experience the scare that only the snake can offer. As I led the group around trying to find this creature the only other who knew recognized where we were was the captain who was there the day when we first discovered it. When we got close to our destination the captain and I prepared ourselves to see the snake again. We approached him and led the first mate and crewman toward it. When we got right over top of it we screamed to watch out and I and the captain watched as they jumped in fear at the thought of that rope actually being a snake that was going to hurt them. They had experienced the snake much like how we had that fateful day. Now, that we had gone and found the snake I asked the captain what was next on the agenda and we agreed that finding a place to get some rest was in order. We headed back to our bunks and got some much needed rest, because tomorrows journey was about to be legendary.

When we awoke the next day we had found that we had slept most of it away and it was already two in the afternoon. I then called the captain and started planning out when to meet and what the times were going to be. I then went and told the first mate who immediately started to get ready and we went and carried out the predetermined plan. The plan consisted of us traveling to the captain’s house with a pit stop to grab some much needed supplies for the upcoming journey. We arrived at the captains house just as we had expected and from there we walked up to the overlook where you can see the ocean and we talked about how to get this day started. After talking to our friend sampson he led us to one conclusion we must head to the den. As we took off on our path we decided that we would have to walk this one out no matter the distance. Luckily the den wasn’t too far from us and we would have much time to have our much needed talks. We continued to walk and talk about whatever came across our minds. To only think that we might be able to unlock one of life’s secret if we only put our minds together and thought about it. When we go close to the giant windmill that was used for something we had no idea what. We found a set of stairs leading down into the shore before the ocean. We thought about it and decided we must stop and rest on this journey. We started to explore around trying to find the perfect spot so that we could talk our friend sampson and ask him some questions. We started climbing the sea jacks across and it had felt like we walked three football fields but when we looked back we had only gone about fifteen feet in distance. So we decided to sit and have a little pow wow as we summoned sampson to the circle. After we were rested up we resumed our journey to the village. Before we knew it we had arrived at the village. Just about a couple hundred feet from the den we looked out and saw that our den had been over run by the creatures known as the Japanese and they looked like they were have some ritual to beer gods because they were screaming random words and being loud. We did not dare go to the den and try to retake it, we would only come back to it when they had left. Instead we ventured to another well known place that we have made friends with the crabs that live there.

We set out toward the crab area looking for the sign that would mark the spot where would continue out and eventually end up in the exact spot we always have been going. When we finally see the marker we start the climb to the area and when we get there we realize that the waves hitting the rocks are splashing us and might take us out to sea. We start to adventure deeper into the rocks and it gets darker and darker it’s dusk now and not much light gets through the stone. We think we have found another suitable area for us to set up base camp in but we did not know we were only on level one of the depths. We eventually explored further and further until we stumbled upon the perfect spot away from everything and everyone. We had no other choice but to name this place the catacombs because that’s exactly where we were. Now that we had found the catacombs it was now time to sit and relax and plan what to do next on this adventure and after talking to our old friend Bernard we had still not decided. As we were sitting in the catacombs we could hear the scurries of our fellow inhabitants, the crabs. We would hear them move and now that it was getting darker they could sneak up on us without us ever knowing. This scared the first mate and crewman but the captain and I were not affected by the crabs scare tactics. We had already become friendly with them so we knew we had nothing to fear. Yet, the first mate and crewman wanted to leave our of fear so we had to find out way out of the catacombs to the surface so that we could calm them down before we decided what to do next. When we got to the top after a struggling climb up we rested and figured out what was next on the agenda. We needed to do something crazy and we weren’t about to settle for anything less than that. As we looked behind us a giant wheel was lit up now and we knew our destination, “The Wheel in the Sky.”

During our travel over to the entrance of the wheel we noticed a couple who the captain and I guessed was on their 3^rd date judging by the way they were acting and the body language we saw. We have had a lot of experience with this since the area we were in was a prime location for the first through third dates. The crew and I talked as we made our way over to the wheel and we were debating on what it would be like when we got to the top. Little did we know the first mate was planning something in his head that only he knew was going to happen when we got to the top. When we arrived at the entrance to get in the car that would take us to the top we handed the lady our tickets and jumped in. It was a slow ride and it took about seven minutes to get almost to the top. I then stood up and looked out of the car over the village and it looked amazing. I eventually got everyone to stand up in the car so that they could experience this too. Then the first mate’s plan took action he started to rock the car while we were standing and the three of us immediately sat down and held on. Trying to tell him to sit down wasn’t working and pushing him only made the rocking worse. So as the first mate is laughing and the crewman is crying like a little girl, the car is rocking and it is starting to scare the captain and I. We finally get him to sit down after experiencing one of the most horrific events in our lives. We make it to the bottom where we started and it seems that the girl who let us on is now a man and is letting us off. We get off and set forth to grab some grub and continue our journeys.

After the refueling the captain and the first mate wanted seconds while me and the crewman went out to smoke. He explained to me a place that he knows of that is known as “The Forgotten Tower.” This tower is apparently haunted and is a graveyard as well. Knowing that I’m the adventurous type and that if we were to tell the captain and the first mate that it was haunted, the journey would end abruptly. I instead left that part out as we got in our transportation and set off. Around eight thirty is when we arrived at the path that leads to the tower. Not knowing what we were getting ourselves into we headed down the unlit path until we found light.  The crewman told everyone the stories about how they use to throw their dead bodies in the river to our left and that there are graves everywhere you look. When we arrived at the foot of the stairs leading up to the tower, we then called Dorothy would we thought would help ease out fear but instead made it worse. She told us of how a girl had hung herself at the tower and her spirit still rests here and that we can’t take anything away from this place, not even a rock. She said that her friend had taken a rock and as they got in the car and pulled out they were hit by a semi and she was the only survivor. This did not sit well with any of us and we almost didn’t want to go up to the tower anymore. Yet, we pushed on and made it to the tower and we were on the first floor right in front of the stairs going to the second. Nobody wanted to go but just as the last person said he wasn’t, the captain set off up the stairs. We all followed close behind and made it to the stop were we stopped and smoked as we prepared for the journey out. The crewman told us another tale of when he and Dorothy and her son came here and that a little farther up the path the kid freaked out crying and said he saw something. When asked what he saw he saw things that we couldn’t see. Right then the crewman said we’re leaving and left. He now returned with us and was about to take us down that same path that little E had freaked out.

After a quick talk with our old friend Bernard again we set off up the trail to hopefully get out of this place as fast as we could. As we were all huddled together like we were keeping warm and trying not to fall behind we headed down the path and looked in horror as we saw shrines and holes in the wall looking as if they go on forever. We finally got to the part where little E had his freighting experience and the crewman stopped and told us this was it. We on the other hand pushed him forward or we were leaving him and we could finally see the road now were we could find out way back home where we all wanted to be at this point. Little did we know we would have to figure a maze of streets out and find out way back to the main road where we could find out where we had began this journey. After a half hour of wandering around hoping to see something familiar in the distance we see the thing we had been looking for, the main road. As we all get closer hoping to find transportation home. We stop by a vendor and browse some wares and buy some drinks to calm our nerves. We finally get a ride back to our headquarters but along the way we had to make a pit stop at the place we like to call “The Temple.”

The Temple is a place where all the bad things inside of you are exorcised out of you without your permission. This is a sacred place to us because it is usually visited often by us to perform our rituals. We ended the night with our old pal Sampson and we ventured off to my home and left and crewman in his rack. We all eventually passed out to tell the tale of our legendary adventure to all that would listen.

~Hulk’z0r

I’m not going to sit here and tell you every day that I have in my memory and go out and do different things for. To be honest you’d have to get to know me and be around me on one of those days to even hear the story because unless I completely like you as a friend and you want to hear them you probably never will. I do not know what others do for their days or what they even remember them for. I can state the obvious ones like the day someone dies that impacts them. It could be the day they graduate high school or college and they accomplished something significant in their lives. It could be the day they found the love of their life and are finally happy. That’s basically an anniversary but whatever it doesn’t matter. The point is that everyone has these days and we do not share the details of these days with anyone that we do not trust to keep them secret so that everyone does not know of them and try to stop us from remembering these days. I believe that we remember these days out of trying to cope or so we never forget that we did something or made a huge mistake that we’ll never make again. It’s a learning experience and we have to remind ourselves and either beat ourselves up over it or grow from it and continue looking for happiness in this world.
I will tell you about one of my days because I’m sure you can guess why I do what I do when you know what day it is anyway. The date that I’ll always remember is the sixteenth of November two thousand and five. Yeah you probably guessed that it was the day that my ex and I started to date officially. To give you a little background on the number sixteen for me. Well, it’s my birthday date in September and it’s also my best friend’s birthday date in April. It is also the persons birthday in June I believe or July that introduced my ex and I. There are so many different things this number means to me and really I’m not going to get into it because I’ll sound crazy for even thinking about it. It’s like that movie “The Number 23” it’s everywhere in my life and it won’t leave me alone. So, on the sixteenth of every month really I either get drunk or I sit around remembering all the good times I use to have back then and that for an entire year that day was always special to me. In the month of November though I do a little something more extreme and it usually ends up with me crying on someone’s shoulder and me eventually blacking out. I use to try and call my ex on this day and pretty much every sixteenth because I’d be drunk off my ass and would have the courage to actually call her, but when I’m sober I know it’s best to just leave her alone. Well this past November sixteenth was no different, I went out and ate with two friends and lost my phone because I got too drunk and left it in the taxi on the way to the bar. Then at the bar I sang sad songs for karaoke and drank myself into a mess. I ended up in the smoke pit on base talking and then it happens, which to tell you the truth I haven’t been able to cry no matter how much I want to when I get to thinking about what use to make me cry. Yet, this night was different with being drunk and having someone who understands next to me to comfort me and let me cry on her shoulder the tears just keep flowing and flowing. It actually hurt like it use to but, this time it felt good to get it all out. Even though I was making an ass out of myself in public but I didn’t care at all. Not like they would understand anyway.
So these days that are in our lives and I wouldn’t say haunt us but they will always be there and on that day you’ll always remember the good times and the bad times. Most of mine are bad times to remind me to never be like that again and lose someone you love over the same mistakes ever again. I do have my good ones, everyone has their birthday every year to remember and that always makes people happy unless of course you’re getting old and that bothers you. Not all the days that we make significant in our lives start off bad they all usually start off good like mine did. I started dating a girl that I eventually fell madly in love with. Not until we broke up did it become a day that represented something bad that I did in my life. Well, losing her was the bad thing and it being my fault. The only one that I can think of that starts out bad is when someone dies or something obviously bad happens. Yet these days aren’t the same as what I described mine are. I would be celebrating someone who has died life and not in a bad way. So, that’s about all I have on this subject I just wanted to write an article about these days and get my thoughts out on paper. Well until next time, later kiddies.

~Hulk’z0r

At any one time there is always so much going on in my head that I can barely think straight about my present time and place and the things taking place around me. I’m always inside my own head, I don’t really tell anyone what’s going on inside there, so when it gets to a certain point I write and for the past two months I’ve been keeping it inside and just burying it in video games and movies. I’ve been pretending that I don’t need to get it out and I can keep it in and really it’s killing me. So here I am writing and getting as much of it out and I can right now so I don’t get any crazier. One of the biggest things still on my mind is how simple it is to actually get over someone and why the hell haven’t I committed to doing it. Seriously what is the matter with me? I’ve watched as many romance movies and chick flicks that any guy would probably ripped out his own eyes if he’s seen all the ones I have. Just to try and figure out what the hell I’m doing and maybe comforting myself knowing that if the guy in the movie can get over his ex then maybe I can do the same. Then I make excuses that it’s a made up story and the character in the movie is just faking that emotion and not actually feeling what I felt. So, what the hell am I doing wrong?  I still think I’m waiting to hear the words “I will never get back with you.” Come out of her mouth just so I can finally let go and forget it ever happened.  It’s the most selfish thing in the world to want to erase that time of my life from my memory but if it was possible I would probably consider it. It’s easy to just say fuck it right and leave everything behind like I did and run away to a different country for some time to contemplate your life and reevaluate myself. I just don’t understand as much as I thought I did. I don’t want to hear the normal lift me ups to make me feel better that people always tell you. I want to hear the truth which I know is horrible and not something you ever tell anyone to make them feel better. I don’t want you to think you need to make me feel better but being that blunt with me would show me that you do care and want to be honest. Maybe someday someone will come along like that.

I am always wondering who you can trust and who you can’t trust with your secrets and your deep down feelings for things. It seems that nobody I’ve met is that great of a listener, I mean at first they could be the best listener in the world to you but after awhile they’ll tire of hearing your rants and problems. Then they’ll drift away from you and they’ll get farther and farther until they are barely even there anymore. Then what do you do? Do you start all over telling someone new all those things? Why did that person tire of hearing all the problems whether they be the same problems over and over but is it because they have no idea how to help you? Who really does know how to help anyone anyway? I mean we kind of are just there for you and pretty much hope that you get over it on your own if we just keep you encouraged to keep living and moving forward through life. And that’s what I really want to get at, where are those people that will stop moving forward and stay still with you for however long you need to help you. I’m talking someone who isn’t paid by your parents or paid by anyone to talk to you. I mean someone who truly cares for your well being because they know you. Is that suppose to be your best friend, wife, sister, brother, mom, dad? Who the hell is it for you? I personally just have a bunch of people that I tell bits and pieces of what’s on my mind to and take what they say into consideration and without telling any one person everything I get a bunch of opinions which are mostly the same. Then I wonder if it’s something I’m doing wrong. Did I choose my friends wrong and choose who I tell things to poorly? I really don’t know anymore and I’m basically just blabbing on about random nonsense I suppose.

I feel a little better writing about what seems like a bunch of random pointless things when I look back at it but it was on my mind at the time and I felt like writing to get it out of my head and onto paper. I do feel a little better that it’s out and I wasn’t going to sit here and state all my personal problems on the internet, that’d just be crazy but I’m always happy to contribute a little bit of my mind to my web blog and get away from the normal me writing about certain subjects. Well, until next time kiddies, later.

~Hulk’z0r

Love at first sight isn’t even real in the first place, it’s a made up way of describing your feelings for someone and it’s made to be cute so you can sound sensitive or something. Well, this feeling we get when we first see someone and they are beautiful and then you hit it off with them and that feeling you got when you first saw them is indescribable. So you take societies way of describing it and saying its love at first sight when in all reality you’re just attracted to them based on their looks. If they were wearing different clothes or did their hair differently, were tan or not, all these play into your personal way of being attracted to another person. Well, that want you have to be with them and have them as your significant other is lust. It’s nothing like love you just want to have them because they are sexy or whatever. So why not just call it “Lust at first sight” and I’ll be happy with that. Like I’ve talked about love takes time to develop and it basically is the fear of losing that person. So when you love someone you don’t ever want to lose them because they are a part of your life that you enjoy and losing them scares you.

Moving on to the next misconception that I’ve noticed is destiny and fate. I’ll do both of these together to make it easier to explain both at the same time I figured. Well we all know what mean, if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be is what I get from these two. Now, neither of these makes much sense to me if you actually sit down and think about them. They are both religion derived and things that happen always happen for a reason because some higher power wrote it and made it that way. Well, I’m not a religious person I understand it and more power to you if you are, but I’m sorry I can’t just think everything just happens for a reason and I’m not in control of my future. I think you have the free will and peoples own values and morals are what make them hesitant to just jump head first to do something out of their norm. For example a person might not want to date you because they think that if you two are meant to date, it’ll just happen. Well, no you kind of have to make that one happen by making the choice of dating. You aren’t just going to one day wake up and have this crazy butterfly feeling inside and feel all warm and fuzzy when you think about them if you don’t. Now I won’t get into the warm and fuzzy feeling right now but I hope you can see where I’m going with this. You make things happen and if you don’t take chances and go out of your norm, then you can just believe if you’re meant to get a good job you’ll get one. No, you obviously have to work for it and do things that you might not want to do. I think I’m going off topic so I’m done with this misconception, on to the next.

That last one I have to talk about is nice guys and how they get fucked over on numerous occasions by the asshole guys who girls seem to go for every time. Now you know how they have the saying “Nice guys finish last.” Well, I hate that saying because it’s so true yet so hopeful yet, it hardly ever happens. I use to be a nice guy and treat girls with respect and that sort of thing. Then I realized that all the girls that I liked decided to date assholes and guys that will make them change for them. Well, I hate that shit so much it’s not even funny. I have never gotten a girl by being the nice guy. They want me as a friend instead and don’t want to ruin the relationship. I find that bullshit because what do you think a relationship foundation best comes from? Oh yeah that’s right a relationship foundation is a friendship. You both have to understand each other and be able to get along without the whole physical relationship aspect of it. Well, not many girls realize this or even want to acknowledge it at all. Which pisses me off because I’ve missed out on a couple relationships that could have been great but I get friend zoned because I understand girls to an extent enough to be able to listen to everything and provide advice that is actually good enough for girls to listen to. You have to be an asshole it seems to get girls and you just need to show that you are sweet on the inside even if it’s a little bit. It’s bullshit if you ask me, I hate it and fuck all you guys that fuck it over for me. I’m becoming an asshole and I hate it I want to be the normal me who is sweet and loving and caring, but no I can’t do that if I don’t want to just be friends with a girl. Oh well, nothing I can do to change that maybe one day girls with wake the fuck up and realize that they are doing it to themselves and that I’m here and just waiting.

Well, misconceptions happen all the time in today’s society. It can be that love at first sight gets into their heads and they believe all that. Yet, they could believe that destiny and fate run their lives and they are just going to sit back and wait for the right time and for it to fall into their laps. They wait for the butterflies to come and what not, but that’s not how it works. Then the nice guys always get fucked over by the assholes but there is nothing we can do about that. These misconceptions have no solution they will continue to live but maybe after reading this you’ll understand where I’m coming from and how stupid these things are. Well, until next time, later kiddies.

~Hulk’z0r

Everyone wants to be happy and together with someone so that they don’t live alone and sad, that’s just a given. Yet, not everyone has the greatest looks or personality to be able to find someone that is right for them. I personally think anyone can find someone but that doesn’t mean that the person you find will be a supermodel and be the most beautiful according to the media and society. The person you find may be different but if you feel that they are beautiful and you love them, then that’s all that matter. Now I don’t believe that there is a special someone just for you and you’re meant to be with them because that’s only in the movies. People only say that they were destined to be with someone because it’s an emotion that they can’t explain and they have heard those words in the movies or what not and that’s one of the default things to say.

Even though we go through our lives looking for that special someone to spend the rest of our lives with, we still have relationships that we mess up or just don’t work out. We of course get emotionally hurt from these if they affect us in that way, it depends on the situation. We still can feel like we are reduced to nothing and we lose hope that the next person won’t be the same as the last person and you won’t love them like that. You are half correct when you think this, yeah no shit the person won’t be the same as the last person everyone is different but they could share some common interests with you that the last one didn’t and with that you could still love them. You’ll always love your past boyfriends or girlfriends but that love will fade and it will just be that you care about them and you should be grateful for that time that you spent with them and you were happy while you were with them, if you were happy with them again situation dictates that.

While you’re looking for someone you’ll still meet people and probably hook up with them and do those crazy things while you’re young and single. The single life has its ups and downs but it’s not a bad thing to be free and not have to worry about commitment and talking and hanging out with the opposite sex. I don’t know how long is too long to be single because I’ve been pushing 3 years now and yeah I do want a girlfriend but for now I’m okay and the circumstances have to be right for that to happen. Finding someone is easy enough as long as you figure out the laws that govern the phenomenon, because that’s really what it is a phenomenon. Out of all the people in this world you just happen to be in the right position and point in your life to meet or talk to someone from your past and their life is at the same point and both are you are in the same mental state to “fall in love” as people like to call it. That just doesn’t happen if the variables aren’t right and things aren’t all correct in the universe. You can figure it out and depending on if they just got out of a relationship and if you did depending on if both of you are ready to handle another relationship and have the commonalities that are needed to satisfy both of your needs and you’re attracted to each other that’s how you are able to see if something is going to happen or not. Yet, this is not a hundred percent you can still get blindsided and not see someone telling you that they like you and finding someone out of the blue that you just never expected to find.

Boyfriends and girlfriends are one of the most complicated things in this world to figure out and make right. It just doesn’t work out all the time, they take work and both people have to have a reason for staying with someone if things get hard and it depends on what type of person you each are. If you end up finding someone that is right for you and you want to spend the rest of your life with, hold on to them and don’t let temptation skew your vision on what you really want.  As long as you do that you should be okay and you won’t end up lonely and depressed, no guarantees but it all depends. Life is unpredictable and full of chaos if you can find a happy median then you’ll be alright. Well, that’s all I got for this one, until next time, later kiddies.

~Hulk’z0r

Let’s start off with the season that starts off the most relationships which is fall, the most beautiful of all the seasons.  I like to call this season the season of love because a lot of relationships begin in this season.  This is due to the fact that school is just starting and you’re meeting new people all summer and when you’re in school you get to socializing. Now I’m not going to get into the other seasons and why the new ones like to start in this month because they are all a big cycle.  So, fall is beautiful it gives you a good feeling at all times; it’s not depressing looking at the leaves on all the trees changing colors and looking amazing.  So that’s a plus to help you when you’re hanging out with that person and you spend time together outside before it gets too cold and you can’t do it anymore.  There are so many things you want to do in this season before you have to wait a long time to do any of them again. With school and all it’s all about new experiences and figuring each other out in this part of the relationship. Fall helps a lot with keeping you occupied and taking nice night walks and just talking. I almost believe that there is just something in the smell of the air during fall that just makes people fall for people.  That’s a little crazy to try and believe but I like to think so.

Moving on now to winter where the relationship is tested to see if you are actually going to make it as a couple because of the feeling of depression during this season and the seclusion from the outside world because of the snow.  I wouldn’t say many relationships start off in the winter maybe just before it when fall is ending and you’ve just met someone or something.  In winter you are in isolation from the world and you’re hanging out usually indoors obviously so you have a lot of time to get to know that person and spend time with them.  This is where your relationship gets tested to and you’ll know if you’re going to make it into the spring with this person.  Well, I wouldn’t say it’ll be crystal clear to you since you’re in the relationship and the spotlight is on you and you never see anything like that unless you’re looking for it or on the outside looking in.  Yet, this is also where the most cuddle time comes into play and you’ll be under blankets keeping each other warm and love each other more and more.  You also have Christmas, New Year, and in February you have Valentine’s Day in this season, which both are times to show your love for someone and spend time with them during these holidays. So, you aren’t going to absolutely hate the person most likely during this season.  Like anybody you can get sick and tired of spending too much time that close to someone and things may get boring and you’ll get in a bad mood for no apparent reason when they say something to you.  You probably aren’t going to be doing any breaking up during this season because it is one of the most depressing seasons and you really don’t want to be alone during it, but it does happen and this season is not really a good season to begin healing because you can’t really leave the house and meet someone new so you’re pretty much screwed on that and it doesn’t feel too good knowing that.

The test results from winter don’t take place until spring so you’ll have to wait but when it comes around you are finally able to get out of the house and actually start doing things outside again without it being so cold that you freeze to death.  Now, if your relationship fails the test then you’re probably going to break up and if you don’t you’ll eventually end up separating sometime in the near future.  Since spring is a time for new things this is why relationships like to also pop up here like in fall. People feel renewed after the cocoon winter has put them in and now they are beautiful emerging butterflies ready to be loved. Now if you pass the test, well yeah you guessed it again you’ll stay together and spend this season together and enjoy doing things outside that you couldn’t in winter which will strengthen your relationship and it’ll blossom.  If you’re not so fortunate there is some good news, this is when you start seeing people again and reestablish that social network that you have and you’ll meet new people left and right hopefully since everyone is out of hibernation now and have the spring feeling in.  This is also when spring break is and when people like to hook up during that time and go back to school or maybe even start a new relationship after that.  I think this season is when most break ups happen because of the previous season and all the time cooped up indoors you spend together. This season sets you up for summer perfectly with either a break up or staying together through it.

Now that school is out and everyone is on summer break and having summer jobs for those so lucky to get them you’ll have summer flings pop up left and right. These are only there because people just stop caring and just need to move on from the break up they just had and they aren’t ready for a new relationship just yet, even though it can happen it usually happens in fall as you already know.  People just getting out of high school going to college and moving away don’t really want a long distance thing and are just out to have a good time.  I call it the circle of relationships because that’s how people move on and just get out and experience new things.  The most hook ups happen at the summer parties which may be house parties or in the wood either way they start a string of hook ups that could either be a one night stand or last the entire summer up until the beginning of fall when you end it. Everyone lusts for someone new during this season because of the parties and the reputation with this season its warm everyone is out and it just puts that feeling or not caring and just having fun. Summer is also another test on a relationship, since all this temptation comes into play and you see everyone else doing whatever they want and you’re in a relationship so you don’t just have yourself to worry about and care for you have someone else too.   So that puts stress on a relationship and it shows you how strong your bond is and if you’re going to make it through and push on to the next stage. The results come at different times in this season they could come early and just be late results from winter or they could come in the middle or at the end or maybe not until fall or halfway through fall. They all come at different times so you can’t base every relationship off the seasons but they do follow a trend and everyone is different so things don’t happen exactly how I say them but close.

Now that you’ve made it back to fall with either a significant other or you’re single again the cycle will repeat and it is up to you when you’ll want to date again anyway.  So, if you just had summer flings and didn’t want one yet, maybe you’re ready for one in the fall or winter whenever you end up meeting someone. Whenever you move on and do the whole grieving and self assessment process that happens after a break up will you start to get back in the cycle of things. Yet, you never know you of course now this is just generally speaking and I didn’t say this will happen exactly like it does in this article I should start putting that little *results may vary little warning at the bottom. Well, until next time kiddies, later.

~Hulk’z0r

Now the one of the things that’s always made me angry as hell is the high school movies that show all the dances that take place. They show them so magical and everyone is having a good time and you go there all dressed up and everyone participates. This is total bullshit the one that gets everyone is Prom but I’m going to save that one for after Homecoming. Now this one is at the beginning of the year and when you’re a freshman you think “Oh my god my first real high school dance, it’s going to be great.” Yeah not even close to being amazing, you’re going to be disappointed because a cute guy or girl is going with you and you’re all super scared and not yourself at all around them at first. Well yeah this should be the start of your realization and journey into understanding that everything is not what you thought it was going to be like and you have nothing  figured out. Now, what made me the angriest was when I didn’t want to go to this dance at all but the girl I was “dating” if you call it that at that time. Well, I didn’t want to go so I lied and said some crazy shit about my grandma dying. Yeah I know a bit immature but I was in ninth grade let’s be serious. So, that ended that one and it just started the drama then. I didn’t go to any other dances that year and I didn’t go the following year either. My next dance was in eleventh grade homecoming where I took another girl who was all about fairy tales. Oh if you haven’t noticed I’m pretty much talking about girls and the fairy tale shit, because most guys aren’t that wound up on that kind of stuff.  Now I thought I was a bit more mature and you know I felt like I wanted to go, well I found out ten minutes into it that I was done and let’s get the hell out of here before I go insane and kill myself. So I got out of that one without much of a problem because it was stupid and I was better at voicing my opinion. Now, the next dance was Junior/Senior and my girlfriend at the time didn’t fit into either one of those positions but I did. So, she figured that she couldn’t wait a year and go she had to make me take her. Well, this was the first time I realized the fairy tale shit of dressing up and doing all this crap just to “have a good time” yeah right. Well, I was like “Fuck no I’m not taking you to this.” Well, that didn’t go over so well and she was like “Fine I’m going to take (insert another guy in my classes name).” So she ended up going with that guy and after that I think it took about a week but we broke up over something so stupid. I’m just saying this is just the start of it in high school and what not.

Moving on to at the end of high school which I will refer you to my life after high school blog about all the shit you do realize because that sums up some of what I’m not going to repeat in this one. What I will say in this one that isn’t in there deals with girls again.  This time it has to do with how when you’re in a relationship with a girl who hasn’t figured out as much of the world as you have and they don’t really live in reality. This is the worst type to ever try to date, they think that all the drama just comes their way with them doing nothing when it is actually how they act and the decisions they choose that bring that drama on. They think that they don’t do anything wrong because they are following some fairy tale bullshit thought pattern as to that they aren’t in the wrong at all and it’s everyone else. This is absolutely crazy in every sense of the word and in the idea that someone can actually think like that but it does tend to happen more and more often than you think it would. I’ve seen it because I’m looking for it most times just to check but it does blow my mind. Then I try to see if I can snap them out of it, but I have figured out that it’s best to let life hit them like a semi and just let them spin into a world of peril. That’s how it happened to me anyway but I wasn’t in that hardcore of a fairy tale type world, I just saw things that weren’t what I thought they were supposed to be, and after I started paying attention more and more I found out that the world was nothing like what I thought it would be like. Now, I’m not saying everyone is like this but everyone has some type of idea of what they think the world actually is before they get hit in the face with it and they do one of two things. They take the hit take some time to recover think things over for awhile and get back up and push on or they just ignore it and continue thinking how they always thought and just think that it was a onetime thing and they are right and everyone else is wrong. Whichever someone chooses is just up to them and a lot of other factors that I’m not going to go into because that’s too many variables such as how they grew up, their friends, and all that sort of thing.

Let’s just think that the media and our parents do sugar coat the world for us and maybe yours prepared you for the real world but society is ruthless. Many of us are sheltered to the point that what our parents tell us is the fact and that’s that and if the ground isn’t made of candy then they don’t want to be part of the reality everyone else lives in. I don’t know I’m not around in your life and I’m not inside your head everything I write about is observation and experience living in this reality that we believe to be our home. So, just take it how it is and try to live with the rest of us and maturity runs right along with this entire article I just didn’t talk about it because that’s another blog. Just think more and start asking those questions to yourself to get the critical answers that you need to hear but just don’t want to. Well, until next time kiddies, later.

~Hulk’z0r

Now, the obvious reason of these relationships failing is the distance and either person not being able to deal with not seeing the person everyday or whenever they want and hold them and what not. I just see this as an excuse that you are a big baby and always need someone next to you to spend time with you because you really don’t know what to do with yourself with out that. I hate when I hear this excuse I feel like you have no will power and enough love and caring for that person to put forth the effort it takes to make this succeed. If you really can’t go without seeing the person for more than the next time you are to go see them. I don’t think you ever really tried and only want the physical things that come with a relationship and didn’t really want a relationship in the first place you really just wanted a fling because that’s all it really was. Instead of seeing and understanding what it means to actually care for someone like that and have a significant other that reflects that back to you. I don’t think you should be dating anyone that isn’t a dumb ass that just wants sex like you.

I know there is another reason that this doesn’t work out in the end. That is because one of you find someone else that you lust for in the place that you moved to and seeing how that they are there and your significant other isn’t that makes you want them even more and “forget” about your feelings for them and just use the excuse that the distance is killing you. It’s that or you just plain up tell them that you found someone else and they are there and you are not. I’d respect you just telling them but saying the distance is killing them. Then again you might not tell them and just cheat on them and they might never find out unless for some reason it gets back to them. That is fucked up as it is, and it happens more than you probably think. I think it happens more than some of us would like to even think about because you probably know what it is like to get cheated on. Yet, most people can find another person in the place they are going because it is new and you’re probably going off to college and that is just like fish in a barrel. Trust plays a big role in relationships and this one is no different from any other one. Without it you will constantly be asking them or thinking that they are cheating on you or doing something that is horrible. Whatever your mind can think of and come up with that is outrageous you believe it without trust. Yeah you need to go on the trust and just know that you can trust that person isn’t doing that and is faithful.  Now, if your relationship doesn’t have trust in it from the start then I don’t know what to tell you than, it isn’t even a serious relationship and you are probably just in it for the physical anyway so I don’t really care about you anyway.

I’m done with the negative things about long distance relationships and I’m going to turn over to the positive and how they can work out. They can work out if the two of you can handle being alone and by yourself throughout the days you two are apart. If talking on the phone and internet is enough for you and if you don’t need the person always around you just so you feel better. If sex is important to you but you can wait because when you see each other and it happens it’ll be worth the wait. I feel people who can do this understand what I understand in relationships and I envy anyone who can pull this off. I haven’t been afforded the opportunity to have one of these relationships but I know that I could pull it off and make it so the other person is always happy to the best of my ability and I would just feel I need them around me all the time. I feel like when I do see them again and can hold them I’ll cherish it more and realize what I have. Instead of not knowing that you have something like that and break up with them or cheat on them and then realizing that you loved them and you had a great thing but you fucked it all up. That is something you don’t want to do, and if and when I get the chance to have this I know that I won’t make the same mistakes I did in my last relationship.

So long distance relationships as you have read are hard as hell to have and tough on the relationship and as far as I can see only the real ones make it through to the other end and they probably are the ones that last 50 years and they grow old together and spend the rest of their lives together. I find that everyone wants that but isn’t really willing to put forth the effort to get that and really want something that is there and now because of the age we live in where everything is at your fingertips and you hardly ever have to wait for anything if you don’t want to. The relationships in the past seem to have been better and have a little more discipline and will power to make sure that things work out and they get what they want in the long run. Well, this one was short and sweet but until next time kiddies.

~Hulk’z0r

I’ve also been thinking about some other things in this life that don’t make much sense to me. I understand girls to a very good extent and I know everything that will make them happy and what goes through their head most of the time. The thing about even knowing that I found that I don’t like to have the patience or the will power to follow through with any of that, I mean I knew how to keep a girlfriend and what to do and not to do. I knew what she would do for me and that she cared for me. Yet, even with that I found myself bored like I need something to fix and talk my way out of. I didn’t realize it then but looking back I think I did most of the stuff that I did just so I would get a reaction or mess something up so that I could see if I could fix it. It makes me feel so awful knowing that I did this stuff and that I thought so highly of myself that I could just fix anything with just using my words and smooth talking. I also realize that back then that when I was fixing stuff I found myself lying and it was just because that was what would fix everything and what she wanted to hear. I look at myself now and I don’t see that in me at all anymore and I got rid of it awhile ago but still I did do it. Yes, many would ay that I’m caught up in the past and I don’t concentrate on the future. Well, the reason I do this is because I really have a secret about joining the Marine Corps. I joined for two reasons that are really connected, one being I had to get away from my ex girlfriend who I wanted to kill myself over and the second reason being I didn’t have the balls to kill myself and I figured if there was any better chance of dying it’d be going to the military and getting sent off to war. Really I have never told anyone the second reason besides maybe one or two people. I really don’t care anymore and wonder if I ever will.

I wonder if I will care again and I think I might someday but not anytime soon, seeing how I’m in Japan and really all I want is someone to care for and who cares for me. I don’t really miss my ex girlfriend all I really miss is the feeling of knowing that someone that isn’t family loves me without me doing anything but be myself. That feeling is what everyone is really searching for when they say they want to love. That is all really love is, it is caring so much for someone that you’re scared of losing them. That’s why when they go away you miss them like crazy and why you want to see them all the time and talk to them. When you don’t even talk or do anything when you do hang out with them or talk to them on the phone. It’s just knowing that they are talking to you and that they are there with you and you only. I have been trying to search for something like that again and I took it for granted the first and only time I’ve had it. That is the starting point of my whole seeing life in a new light and when I started to think about things differently. I don’t see the world like I did back then and I have come a long way in my maturity level from then too. Yet, as I wrote in my last article I’ve become somewhat of a monster and an asshole. People like me when they first met me and find out that I’m a funny and fun person to be around until I start making fun of them because they make fun of me. Then I seem to hit the core with them because I know how to get to people and I can figure out what they are insecure about or what pisses them off when you hit it just right. I’m currently in a state of limbo with myself and trying to work out the kinks so that I can be the person that is on the inside and just wants to be let out instead of behind the barriers that I’ve built up.

There is one more thing that I’ve been really thinking about and it’s my image of the girl that I want. It really bugs me because I really don’t care if the girl isn’t up to the par of all the girls I’ve dated before as long as she is cute because I don’t see me as cute at all, but I am skinny and no where near fat. Now my idea of the girl I want is just like me, she has to have a good personality be funny, she has to be able to take a joke and be pretty much the queen of sarcasm. If she can hang out with the guys and shit talk them back when they are being dicks to her then I’d be in love with that. I would love for her to be short and somewhat slim yet I know in this world that probably isn’t going to happen if I get the other things. So, I can deal with a bigger girl, but if she complains and says that she is fat and all this garbage and is doing nothing to change that, I see that as just plain stupid and I would have to be an asshole even though it’d hurt her feelings and tell her if she’s not going to do anything she isn’t going to have me around. I’m not going to stick around and listen to that crap, I’ll gladly help out and be there for moral support, hell I’ll even take you on a run or to the gym. Whatever it takes to get you motivated and help out. I know this is probably asking a lot but would a girl really want to be with me if I was fat and she was skinny as hell. Probably not unless she has a fetish for that, I mean come on it’s not that I’m trying to make her feel bad but it just doesn’t make much sense to me. You can’t keep putting it off for the future thinking that it’s just going to fix itself. It’s not going to get better only worse and then you’ll be like that for the rest of your life and be self conscious. I figure everyone just wants to be satisfied somewhat about their body. I don’t like working out but I still do it because I do want a girl and I don’t want to be disgusting when I take off my clothes. Now, before anyone starts freaking out over this thinking I hate fat people. I have nothing wrong with fat people at all, I’ve dated bigger women as it stands and I don’t have a problem with it, I’m just speaking of my perfect girl right now.

As it stands at this point in time I am not alright, I’m having a rough time and I can’t go about it like I did in the past. I can’t board myself up in my room in isolation and just think about everything hard and just fix the problems I’m having right then and there and not come out until it’s all done. I miss those times but I guess I’ll have to learn how to do it while I’m on the move and working constantly. Any suggestions, I mean does anyone read this? Or is it that you just read and don’t really know how to help or don’t care to? Oh well, until next time kiddies.

~Hulk’z0r

]]> http://hulkz0r.wordpress.com/2009/03/17/just-a-little-thought/feed/ 0 hulk'z0r http://hulkz0r.wordpress.com/2009/03/17/what-am-i/ http://hulkz0r.wordpress.com/2009/03/17/what-am-i/#comments Tue, 17 Mar 2009 05:59:56 +0000 hulk'z0r http://hulkz0r.wordpress.com/?p=103 ]]> So here I am again thinking and thinking about things that I thought I had moved on from and gotten over a long time ago. I’ve been through a roller coaster of ups and downs and made it through alive even though I though so many times that I wanted and would die from them. Everything doesn’t happen for a reason or maybe it does but I just think that’s the hope that people give themselves to get through shit . I on the other hand don’t tell myself these things to make sense of all the shit that has happened to me and what I’ve done to myself and others. I have come to a point in my life where I look back and realize two things, I haven’t gotten over those speed bumps in my past and I have gone in the wrong direction of who I use to be. I thought that I had gotten over certain things like my ex girlfriend and what I did to her. I also thought that I’d be the person I wanted to be at this point in time. I found out that I still think about her and have been looking for someone to get my mind off of her and hopefully forget all about her and she’ll just become that one girl I dated back in high school. Then on the other hand back then after her I knew what kind of changes I had to make to myself to never let that happen again and I have changed just not into the person I wanted to be.

The ex girlfriend, I don’t know why I can’t get her out of my life and out of my mind. It seems that I get these little day dreams of me going back home one day and we just happen to run into each other and we get to talking and then it goes from there and we start to go out on dates and hang out. Then in the end we get back together and I become happy again. Well, I don’t see this happening when she has exiled me from her life completely and has her friends and everyone she knows that if I try to get to her that they will “protect” her from me. I don’t know If she even knows how bad that hurts inside. I almost think that she thinks that I’m her crazy ex that is “stalking” her and harassing her constantly. Well, I’m not trying to be that guy in her life. So basically I’ve just stopped trying to contact her and I have no idea if she reads this but I doubt it. I don’t think she understands how much I really do love her and what I would do to just get some type of closure if I can’t be with her. Which wouldn’t be my choice at all it would be hers. I’m not a stalker and yes I am crazy because I love her and go to great lengths to try and express this to her. Yet, I fail horribly at it and I can’t seem to even think she cares what I have to say anymore. I know I hurt her and yeah I am that kind of a man to respect her wishes but I am also the kind of man that doesn’t just give up right away and not fight for something that I know is a good thing. Contrary to popular belief I am not the worst person in the world and yeah I did make many mistakes while I was with her but I don’t believe that it should prevent anything from happening down the road. Then again, I know deep down that it isn’t going to happen but then again who knows. I can’t just hope it is I have to move on and get past this. I just don’t have anyone to help me through this really. My family yeah I can talk to them but that doesn’t help too much. My friends have their own problems to deal with than my petty love for a girl that dumped me almost 3 years ago. I just don’t know what to do, and every time I seem to find a girl that I would want to be with, something always has to prevent me from being with them. I really don’t think I’ll ever be happy. I know what I want and playing the game is the worst thing for me to do. I hate starting from scratch getting to know someone and earning their trust and trying to impress them and be what they way. All I really want in life is to forget about my ex and be with a girl who is going to love me, who can put up with arguing and will stay with me through all the bullshit life has to offer. I need her to understand life close to the point I do. Really I don’t care about money or if she’s on the big side or is barely bigger than a twig. I don’t care. I just want someone who is decent looking enough so I don’t feel embarrassed around in public. I know it’s cold to say but I don’t give a fuck. Is there anyone reading this that fits any description that I’m describing? I would love for you to tell me. Well, I got all that out about my ex and shit that concerns that.

On to myself and what I see in myself, after my ex I made a deal with myself to be the guy I was at the beginning of our relationship. Who wasn’t like every other guy even though every guy says that they aren’t. Well, I really was going to prove it and not be like them. I was going to be my old self just with the wisdom I have now. Well, that guy was sweet, caring, strong, knew how to handle situations and knew how to defuse all the bullshit that comes with a relationship. The guy who knew how to take care of a girl and knew how things worked in the world. I wasn’t going to be obsessive with girls I wasn’t going to be clingy yet I for some reaosn enjoy the sweet things that come with a relationship like the mushy stuff. Yeah well not all the time because I think that doing it all the time is just a cover up and can be used to manipulate and get out of situations without actually talking about it. I look at myself now and see what I’ve become and I have traced it back and figured out why I am like a monster. I am a bigger asshole now than I’ve ever been, I don’t really give a fuck what I say anymore, or about peoples feelings. I have taken the knowledge of the real world and really have given up any hope that I had tha the world is a nice place. I also have taken it upon myself to tell people my opinions and destroy their hopes and dreams because I don’t believe they know what I know. I have made so many peopl e cry because I tell it like it is and just with no remorse destroy people with the blunt truth about things. I think I’m trying to help them by doing so. I dunno if it’s even work, I just think that I’ve made people hate me as a person because I am just an angry person and not happy whatsoever. I really hate what I’ve become, yes I can be sweet at times and funny and fun to be around but I still have that asshole persona that I’ve become so custom to having around. I all really started after the break up with my ex. I went through all the months of withdrawal from the world and went into deep thought and reevaluation of the world and myself. I had the right outlook on everything and was on my way to fixing it. Then I went out too soon and started to meet new people and hanging out with them and it just brought out the worst in me because I didn’t care what I said or did anymore, I figured I came so close to killing myself that if I died it would be no big deal because it’d just be a way out of doing it myself. I met these girls one of which liked me from the beginning and just talked to her and figured out she was totally oblvious to the world so I would constantly give her lectures about how shit really was and how stupid she was and that it was never going to turn out how she wanted it. Kinda like how my dad would give me lectures about things and what not to do and the right and wrong thing to do. Well, I didn’t really follow his path and I made my own which was a hell of a lot more hurtful to the person. People would tell me their problems and I would know the solution and what not. Yet, I know from other experiences that they weren’t going to listen so I would use my talent with words to just destroy them. I now regret this because now I’m turning out to be a really hurtful person in life. I hate it, and I just want to be the nice guy I am suppose to be and know I am. I wanna be the caring, sweet, sympathetic guy. Yet, I don’t know if girls actually want that and I don’t really care but I also deviated from that because girls go for the assholes and I was always in the friends zone which now I don’t really care but I knew I was better for them than their asshole boyfriends. Which I have no become and I can’t stand it. Yes, I live life to the fullest and never say no to anything that is impulsive and just random as hell. I do have fun but I don’t like the person I am becoming at all. I want to change it all. I can’t handle being an asshole to anyone anymore unless they give me reason to. I don’t know why I get pissed at people for being dumb, is it because I unknowingly look down on them and think I’m smarter than them and know more about life and the world. I don’t know I’m so confused about everything I can’t wrap my mind around any of it and really I need to do something about it. I need to be happy again, I like my life now and apart from the things previously stated things are going good. I just need to fix somethings and I need to just talk to people like normal human beings and relax and not be such a negative person all the time.

Truth be told I really deep down inside nothing like what I am on the outside and I really only think a few people know me truly inside and that I’ve opened up to. I just can’t keep hurting people, I told myself after my ex I would never hurt another girl in this world. I’m a loose cannon right now and I feel like every bad image of a guy in the world. I don’t really care about sex it’s just that with my new impulsive self I just say fuck it and do it. I don’t know what I’m doing with myself anymore I need to get myself on track and find someone to just be with. It is just turning out to be harder than I’ve ever expected and really I can’t even accomplish it. Yeah people will say you just need to wait and it will happen. Well what if I want to go out and figure it out myself and find that person that has somewhat of the same personality as me and can tolerate me and is loving and won’t hurt me and just take care of me emotionally and give me support and someone I can help take care of and do the same for them. Are they out there I don’t know but I’m hoping that it happens sometime soon because like before I’m losing my mind again and slowly slipping into insanity.

I have gotten almost over my ex just need to work out the kinks yeah I may be contradicting myself but I don’t care I haven’t made it this far without getting over her somewhat and yeah I still can talk to her about that because I was in love with her and still love her dearly but anyone who as been in love knows what I’m talking about and knows what it is like to lose someone like that. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I’ve been through Marine Corps boot camp and I still say that. I think I got everything off my chest for now, I might have to keep writing these little articles like this more often because really until I find someone who wants to listen to this garbage, typing to myself and posting it on my blog as my mindless ranting about things I hate is all I have. Well, until next time which should be soon I’m going to start just typing a new article every day or at least 2 or 3 a week from now on I still have so much to talk about and get out about life and it’s many many mysteries and my experiences with it. Later kiddies.

~Hulk’z0r