And if you think about it… Memoirs

This adventure starts like any adventure would start in my world, in a jungle. With four guys questing through this jungle for the one thing that will make this adventure one of the best adventures ever imaginable. When they arrive to the jungle one of them has to always go to the bathroom before they start any adventure and this time is no different. As the other three are waiting around smoking cigarettes while the other takes his time in the bathroom. They three speculate on what they want to do after they make the journey into the jungle and return in a different state of mind. A state of mind looking for adventure and thrill at every turn and sees things with the biggest open mind. When the one returns from the bathroom they venture down the stairs deep into the jungle to talk to the man known as the inn keeper and browse his wares. We find he is has but one and only one of what we are looking for and it is different from anything they have seen before. Without hesitation we take it and venture to find a seat to sit down and decide what to do next. After smoking and contemplating, we start heading out of the jungle and toward a new magical place know as “The Tunnels of Oz.” In these tunnels anything can happen and you can come out somewhere you never thought possible.

Days of Signifigance…

Everyone in this world has their own days that might not mean anything to someone else but to them that day is just as important as Christmas is to some people. These days symbolize something that happened to us on that day that we will never forget and like to keep the memory of that alive. So, on that day every year we have our little rituals or we just think about that time way back when we use to be happy. I recently just had one of these days that I will always remember. The day is significant for me because it’s a time that I wish I could go back to constantly. Even if I couldn’t change anything it’d be just to relive it over and over again. So, what do I do on this day? I do the only thing that I can think of doing at this point in my life. I go out and have a nice meal at a restaurant that I haven’t been to in a while and then I go out and get completely wasted. On this day I do not care what happens to me at all and I know it’s horrible that I think that way but we all have those days. I myself have many of these days that I remember every year.

Just Some Thoughts…

So here I am again almost two months since my last post, and I’m thinking what the hell I am doing with my life so far. Honestly I still cannot come up with an answer that I feel proud of. Sure I’m serving my country in the Marines and I do my job to the best of my abilities. I still just feel like there has to be more to this life and something has got to be coming my way because nothing good has happened to me in a long time. I keep thinking that some of the things that have happened to me since I’ve been away from home have been good, but they were just illusions that I made up in my head. I put a meaning to them and hoped that they would be the thing that I was looking for all this time. Yet, as life would have it they were not the things that I wanted them to be. So I kept moving through this life just waiting and wondering if I had to make them happen and how could I when I’m still living in New York in my head when I’m all the way across the world in Japan now. It’s what I wanted right? To get away from that town and start over and just do things right for once. Yet, I can’t seem to get things right anymore I know right from wrong but I just don’t know if I’m ready to admit to myself that I’m over everything back in New York. I lie to myself and say that it’s the past and I’m a new person and I don’t care about that stuff back there. Yet, I’ll tell you a little secret about lying to yourself, you know the truth but you just don’t say it out loud for yourself to hear and face.

Misconceptions…

In today’s society there are a lot of clichés that get thrown around and I personally don’t believe in any of them. I think we all take what we hear and it sounds like something that we could want to have happen to us because it’ll make us happy and feel special. Well, you don’t need these things to feel special if you look at the world and see the big picture and appreciate the little things that happen in your life that are real and are unique to you. The misconceptions that I’m mainly talking about are “love at first site, destiny and fate, and the whole spiel about girls wanting nice guys in the end.” I feel that these are the big ones that run our lives and we let them control our emotions because we want them so bad.

Boyfriends and Girlfriends…

In our lives we have a desire to have someone who we can share experiences with and all those emotional times. Everyone wants to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend to do all the things that you can’t do with anyone else except them. Where does this desire come from? Does it come from the media, society, or our own basic instinct of finding a mate and reproducing? I have come to realize that it comes from all of them and they all shape our outlook of how a relationship should be and the things that make up a relationship. I feel we all do need someone and that’s why kids get so damn depressed when they lose the hope of finding someone. Being single isn’t as bad as everyone makes it out to me, but it is nowhere close to being as good as being in a relationship with someone and loving them and having that love reciprocated back.

Seasons of Relationships…

Throughout the year we experience the changing of the seasons and have learned to come to hate some of them and like others.  You may like winter and others may like summer better it’s all personal preference.  Yet, what some people don’t look at is what happens around them or to them during each season.  I’m talking about relationships of course who would have guessed that one; it’s not the title or anything.  What happens in relationships tends to be during a certain season because of how that season affects how you plan your day and the things you do with that other person.  The seasons play a bigger role in our lives than just if it’s hot or cold. For example you can’t go out and just sit under a tree in the winter and hang out with your significant other like you can in the summer.  The beach isn’t open or even fun to go to in the winter when you can’t play in the sand and swim and splash each other in the water.

Reality…

When all of us are young children we think differently of the world that we live in. We think we can do anything and it’s the greatest thing ever. You believe that Santa Claus magically brings you presents on Christmas and the Easter bunny hides baskets for you to find on Easter. Now that you’re older you’ve learned that it’s all fake, just to keep you happy as a kid. Well, some people stay in this magic little world only thinking what they want and believing that they know everything about the world. This is usually around your teen years in high school and you watch those movies and think fairy tales are real and you’ll have all the same experiences all the actors have in the high school drama movies. I have some bad news for you, that is not even close to what the real world actually is and you might want to wake yourself up.

Long Distance Relationships…

This topic is one that everyone knows about and has probably thought about before in their lives and had to make the decision to either do it or not. Now, if you have come across this dilemma before then you should already know that the majority of these types of relationships never work out and there are many reasons to why that happens. If you haven’t had the opportunity to have this type of relationship then I suspect none of your significant others or you have moved away from each other. Or you have never met anyone online and started to like them and wondered if you should date. Well, I know that these relationships fail all the time and hardly ever work out. Yet, I still have some hope for them because I feel that if the distance kills you both then I feel that your relationship is nothing more than just physical and yes some emotions are in there but you don’t have that balance at all. If you can pull this relationship off then you have a good emotional foundation for your relationship and physical means something to you but it isn’t everything and it’s worth the wait.

Just A Little Thought…

I have been thinking for a while now and I’ve come to the conclusion that I really hate how much I hate how things work in this world. I have seen so many people I care about in pain and I’ve watch as people have made the worst mistakes in their lives. I myself have made some of those mistakes, but the thing I really have trouble wrapping my mind around I how people just get over it and move on with their lives like it never happened. I understand that is how it is done and why people do it. I just don’t understand if at some point they take a step back and look at themselves in retrospect and wonder if things had been different, if they would of made some minor changes and if history would of changed itself and what it would be like.

What am I?

So here I am again thinking and thinking about things that I thought I had moved on from and gotten over a long time ago. I’ve been through a roller coaster of ups and downs and made it through alive even though I though so many times that I wanted and would die from them. Everything doesn’t happen for a reason or maybe it does but I just think that’s the hope that people give themselves to get through shit . I on the other hand don’t tell myself these things to make sense of all the shit that has happened to me and what I’ve done to myself and others. I have come to a point in my life where I look back and realize two things, I haven’t gotten over those speed bumps in my past and I have gone in the wrong direction of who I use to be. I thought that I had gotten over certain things like my ex girlfriend and what I did to her. I also thought that I’d be the person I wanted to be at this point in time. I found out that I still think about her and have been looking for someone to get my mind off of her and hopefully forget all about her and she’ll just become that one girl I dated back in high school. Then on the other hand back then after her I knew what kind of changes I had to make to myself to never let that happen again and I have changed just not into the person I wanted to be.